


In a Pickle

by sleepyysalamiri



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad English, Gen, everybody hates sand, problems of being a low-level in heroic areas and enemy territories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 12:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10697022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepyysalamiri/pseuds/sleepyysalamiri
Summary: Corso needs help to find his friend on Tatooine, and Captain Aneleya, a known altruist (a lie), couldn't refuse (she didn't have time). Sadly, getting there turned out to be a bigger problem than Anya could've ever thought.May contain some painful flashbacks about completing this particular companion quest.Part of my AU, where Vitiate/Valkorion gets into Smuggler's head during her class story. With no other exact reason than making things more fun.





	In a Pickle

**Author's Note:**

> Though the idea of Smuggler and Vitiate/Valkorion interactions came to me on its own, it was to some extent influenced by MuffinOfVillainyAndDoom's [KotFE - The Smuggler](http://archiveofourown.org/series/349988) series. I couldn't post this work without giving a credit. Seriously, guys, check it out, if you haven't already.  
> And [here](http://crysdrawsthings.tumblr.com/post/148501442988) are some illustrations by awesome Tumblr user crysdrawsthings.

The threat was coming closer. Fearless Captain Aneleya made an attempt to save herself with the shameful, though efficient, retreat, but the boxes (which Risha had put in the ship's corridor just an hour ago) prevented that - the woman tripped over them and ungracefully fell flat on the floor. The boy finally managed to reach her and grabbed her hand, just to be sure.  
"Captain, you won't believe what I've just learned!" Corso shouted.  
His eyes were burning with maniacal desire to help the needy and bring justice to the Galaxy.  
Anya took a deep long breath.

***

The sand of Tatooine was coarse, rough, irritating and got everywhere.  
Anya, who has already run out of her hate for this giant sandbox, was apathetically counting the rest of her credits. A thousand was spent on the fuel, another thousand she gave for the tickets to the Dune Sea; that smug trader, who successfully flogged a bag of local marshmallow to her naive companion, took five hundred… Though enterprising Captain managed to flog the bag (well, the leftovers from degustation) to another tourist for the same five hundred credits, so that doesn't really count. Oh, and two thousand for "the most detailed map of Tatooine in the whole Galaxy, trust me, sweet lady, you can check!"™. The map was obviously painted by one of the vendor's kids, but there were no other options. Official Republican maps displayed only Anchorhead ("go there"), Mos Ila ("don't go there"), and the empty space around them, signed as "The Desert".  
And on top of all that, Anya's favorite scarf, hand-made of Alderaanian silk, was already starting to burn out. She sighed again and pulled it deeper on her face in a desperate attempt to save as much of her pale skin as she could. The woman could almost hear another three thousand credits tinkle as they flew into the Void.  
"If that map isn't lying, the shortest way to Jettison is right there," Corso said. He looked adorable as always, with his peeled nose buried deeply in the map.  
"Half an hour across the bare desert, another hour - through unexplored mountain ravines," Anya sighed. "Well, could be worse. Wait, what about these little black figures?"  
"I have no idea. Maybe, some natives? Jawas? Or artist's fantasy? See, in another corner… Some kind of… rakata in a box? It is not really there, is it?"  
"Good point."

***

"Seems like the young artist was right after all."  
"Yep."  
"I wonder how they don’t get a heatstroke. You know, dressed in all black."  
"Maybe they do. Maybe that's why they are so aggressive."  
"Maybe."  
The brave rescue team was sitting on the top of a giant dune, as their further way was blocked by an Imperial base. Anya, swaddled in her scarf like a Sand People woman, lied wearily on Corso's shoulder; and the man was too exhausted to enjoy that fact.  
"Corso, I won't survive the way back…" Captain moaned.  
"And what do you suggest?"  
"We should have kept those marshmallows… We could have disguised ourselves as local traders, walked through the base, even made some credits…"  
"I don't think that works with Imperials. But there must be the way…"

Captain closed her eyes.

"Oh, you gonna beg me for help?" A mocking voice sounded inside her head.  
"I gonna ask you if your minions like candies. Or, I don’t know, carpets would sell better?"  
Vitiate scratched his ghostly beard in a deep thought.  
"Do you really think this is the best way to get past the Imperial base?"  
"Oh no. No, of course no. It's an absolutely insane, foolish, illogical and unsafe way. That's why it suits me so well. That's why I will do just that."  
"Let me remind you that you'll have to return to Anchorhead for some… goods."  
"Oh, shut up! Smartass. If you don't like this plan, I have another one - we'll run across the base, shoot back and hope that nothing kills us."  
"You are obviously overheate…"  
"And I strongly recommend you to use all your arcane powers - if my head is blown into pieces, you'll still be inside it."

***

"Who could have known that they have rocket launchers…" Corso grimaced in pain, while the medical droid was putting a bandage on his forearm.  
"Oh yeah, who could have known!..." Anya grumbled to the depths of her consciousness.  
The depths of her consciousness remained delicately silent.

***

"Okay, second try," The fearless Captain dashingly fixed her scarf, which was now tied around her head like a pirate bandana, and looked at the map. "Here. It looks like another path."  
"But there is a picture of skull and crossbones," Corso noted.  
"I don't care," Anya was obviously determined. "Whatever lives there, it can't be more fearsome and deadly than me right now."  
"But maybe we should take some marshmallows, just in case? We're in Anchorhead anyway. By the way, how did we get here?"  
"Our ghost pal was saving his butt. Which he shares with me by a lucky accident."  
"And you are intended to risk it every time in your private interests, while being absolutely sure that I'll once again use all my powers to save you," Vitiate's voice in Anya's head sounded irritated.  
"Well, you've done it this far," She responded.  
Vitiate grumbled something indistinctive.

***

"The local fauna here is especially tough… I think my blasters are melting," Anya stepped over the dead varactyl, only to see another flock nearby.  
"I think I'm melting myself." Corso was beaten, but not broken. "But Jettison got there somehow, so we can, too! So you've said, we should take this turn and…"  
Anya suddenly froze in complete silence.  
"Captain, I think there is…"  
"What do you think, my sweet Corso? Let's get closer, so you'll have no doubt that there is a…"  
"Captain, I…"  
"A BLASTED ROCK"  
"Captain…"  
"A ROCK THAT IS BLOCKING OUR WAY"  
"We…"  
"A WAY THAT TOOK THREE HOURS FOR US TO FOLLOW"  
"We'll find the right way, we surely will, because…"  
"THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY, WE'VE SEARCHED EVERYWHERE, LOOK AT THE MAP, YOUR BRO CAN WALK THROUGH WALLS, OR HE IS ALLIED WITH IMPERIALS, OR WITH REPTILES, OR…"  
"There is another road on the map, here…"  
"IT IS BLOCKED BY ANOTHER ROCK"  
"It's not a rock, it's a marshmallow spot…"  
"…"  
Corso instinctively stepped back.  
Anya closed her eyes.  
"Vit…"  
"I thought you would never ask," The voice in her head replied in obvious delight.  
A moment later, the rock disappeared in a cloud of sand, dust and sparkling lightning.

***

Corso was running to her across the hall with the same maniacal fire in his eyes and a holocom in his hand, but Anya was too tired to save herself.  
"I contacted Jettison!"  
Well, could be worse.  
"He is so grateful for your help!" The man kept chattering in excitement. "And for the job you found for him. You can say that you couldn't have walked past the talented slicer, who is ready to work for food, but I know that you are the kindest person ever!"  
"Sure, Corso." Anya tried to smile as kindly as she was able.  
"I knew I could rely on you! You know, the governor of Ord Mantell has just called me and… Ca… Captain?"  
Anya fell on the floor, curled into a ball and started to sob.  
The depths of her consciousness giggled.  
"Don't get too smug!" The woman thought angrily. "Wherever he drags us this time, you are coming with me!"  
Giggling stopped, followed by a thoughtful silence.


End file.
